I Mentally Masturbate - Therefore I Verbally Ejaculate

Wow. It's astonishing how many people are out there, who desperately need a good sex life:

PLEASE

HELP

THESE

PEOPLE

GET

LAID

BEFORE

THEY

GO

INSANE

Whew!

Bush-Blair cursing caught by mic

US President George W Bush and UK Prime Minister Tony Blair have been caught on microphone using expletives, while other world leaders discussed Hezbollah's rocket attacks on Israel.

The remarks were picked up by closed-circuit TV at the G8 summit which both leaders are attending.

Bush leaned over toward Blair and said: "Papa-oom-mow-mow, Papa-oom-mow-mow, Baba-baba-baba-whoooooooo! Baba-whoo Dit dit dit Baba-baba-baba-whooooo!"

To which a shocked looking Blair replied: "What the fuck? What are you on?"

Bush smirked and continued in a low voice: "Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more? Does she go, eh, does she go, eh? Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, know whatahmean, nudge nudge?"

Blair replied: "You need serious help, you bloody hillbilly git!"

Bush appeared to glance around and verify no one else was listening before retorting: "Look who's talking, you inbred son-of-a-bitch! Your father was Dumbo the Elephant, right?"

Lay's death "a cheap ploy"

Enron founder Kenneth Lay is reported to have died from a heart attack. Lay was convicted in May of six counts of fraud and conspiracy linked to the downfall of the giant company. Lay had been scheduled for sentencing on Oct. 23, and faced up to 45 years in prison. Lay was also convicted on a count of bank fraud and three counts of making false statements to banks in a separate trial involving Lay's personal banking. Lay faced a sentence of up to 120 years related to those convictions.

A spokesperson for the prosecuting attorney's office stated that Lay's death was: "a cheap ploy to escape just punishment for his misdeeds".

"The American people have had enough of this cowardly practise - dying off so you won't have to serve your time. Ken Lay ain't gettin' away with it ! He will be sentenced at the appointed time, regardless of his deceased-ness".

A special refrigerated cell is being prepared at an undisclosed minimum-security prison to accomodate Lay's corpse after sentencing. Ken Lay's lifeless body is expected to be sentenced to a total of 140 years "in 'da cooler".